Ursula's Remix

The scene opens with a couple's hands crossed over each other so that you can see their wedding bands. His hand is the hand of the working man. Hers is smaller and feminine but strong with 70s green nail polish.

Vince is a working man with an accent reminiscent of Sylvester Stalone in Rocky, but without the mush mouth effect which makes him incomprehensible. He is almost well built, as though he works construction, but enjoys his carbs a little too much.

Ursula is a slight woman, easily given to excitement with an occasional bit of an attitude that doesn't overshadow her femininity. She doesn't have the attitude that scares shy people, just the attitude of a working class woman.

Darla lives in the same complex as Vince and Ursula. She's a motherly sort, even though she's no older than the others.

Scene 1: Ursula is on the phone in her small 70s decor apartment kitchen. On the counter is a bowl, some cake ingredients, lemons and an empty carton of eggs. She's a little frantic.

Ursula (on the phone): Oh, no! Darla what'm I gonna do? I was makin' a cake for Vince's birthday ya' know, and like I was makin' bahs er somethin' 'n I put all the ingredients in before I knew what I's doin' ya' know, 'n now I got like 8 eggs and flowa and powdad suga and butta all in da same bowl and da eggs was fer anuda paht of da bahs. What'm I gonna do? He's gonna be home in an owa 'n dat's all da eggs I got.

Darla (from off screen and with a telephone sounding voice): Oh, don't worry, Honey. I'll just come right on over through the back door, and we'll fix things all up. It's fine, Honey, it's fine. These things happen to ever'body sometime or 'nother.

Ursula frets over the bowls for a few seconds when a knock at the kitchen door indicates Darla's arrival.

Ursula: Thank heavens ya' heeya! It's such a mess, do ya' think you c'n do anything with it?

Darla (bustling over to the ingredients, pats Ursula reassuringly on the arm): Honey, Honey, ever'thing will be just fine. Don't you worry about a thing. We'll just say 1-2-3-4 cake a coupla times, and you'll serve it with a bit of coffee, and Vince won't know a thing!

The two women bustle about the kitchen with Darla mostly shooing Ursula out of the way until Vince comes home and Ursula walks out. Darla continues working while Ursula and Vince have a conversation off screen.

Vince: Yo, Baby. I missed yous all day. What've you been doin'?

Ursula (a bit nervously): Makin' plans for ya' burthday, whutta ya' think?

Vince: Oh. Dat sounds alright den. Is it done yet?

Ursula: Yeah, yeah, it'll be done, it'll be done in a little bit.

Vince: Good. I don't like to wait fuh my su'prises. 'Cept when dey're from you, Baby.

Ursula comes back into the kitchen where Darla is cleaning up. They whisper loudly.

Ursula: Thanks, Darla, I dunno what I'd do widoutcha.

Darla (patting Ursula reassuringly): Oh, you'd get by just fine. You didn't have a few things, so I improvised a little, but I'm sure it'll be ok. Just serve it with coffee and pretend it's a coffee cake. It'll be fine, just fine.

Darla leaves and the oven timer goes off. Ursula still looks worried as she removes the cake from the oven and prepares it for Vince.

Vince (from the other, unseen room): Yo, Ursula. Where's my cake?

Ursula: Hey, keep ya' shirt on, it's almost ready, it's almost ready!

Cut to the living room where Vince, wearing a white tank-top is trying the cake with Ursula who is watching more than trying her own.

Vince: Hey, Baby, dis is da best cake evah. It goes great wit dis coffee dat you made. Baby, dere's a reason dat I love you.

Ursula: Oh, Vince-Honey, you say the nicest things.

The two cuddle on the couch in birthday bliss as Vince changes the television channel, the picture fades and the credits begin to roll.