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Chicago Woman Suffocates Leaving Work
Nun says, "She just didn't want to breathe the cold air anymore."

A Chicago woman held her breath today as she left work. She suffocated before she got home. One of her coworkers, a Discalced Carmelite nun, told News9 about a conversation she had with the 27 year old earlier in the day.

"We were talking about how the cold makes it difficult to breathe when you're walking, and she agreed and said that it makes you not want to breathe. I guess she just didn't want to breathe the cold air anymore. It's so sad."

Doctors and scientists are excited about the woman's fete. Usually when a person holds his or her breath for an extended period of time, the body rebels, forcing that person to take a breath. In this instance, those survival mechanisms were somehow overcome.

"This is a most exciting discovery for the medical community. A woman holding her breath until suffocation has never before been documented. This holds great promise for training divers to hold their breath longer," said Dr. Pierre Cousteau (University of Paris, France).

While the scientific community remains baffled, others are not so surprised.

When interviewed, the woman's supervisor said she was from Texas, adding he was not surprised she was able to hold her breath "because you know how stubborn those Texans are."

The Texas native leaves behind a husband and 10 children who are still wondering when mommy is coming home.

The litany of love

"I love you," she says.
"I love you," she responds.
"I love you," she smiles.
"I love you," she sighs.
"I love you," she replies.
"I love you," she laughs.
"I love you," she says.
"I love you," she grumbles.
"I love you," she mumbles.
"I love you," she thinks.
"I love you," she hopes.
"I love you," she wishes.
"I love you," she means.

"I love you," she says.
"I love you," she responds.
"I love you," she smiles.
"I love you," she sighs.
"I love you," she replies.
"I love you," she laughs.
"I love you," she says.
"I love you," she grumbles.
"I love you," she mumbles.
"I love you," she thinks.
"I love you," she hopes.
"I love you," she wishes.
"I love you," she means.

That was almost helpful

"It was a dark and stormy night," she read Snoopy type. Suddenly, the front door swung open and a hulking man walked through.

"'Morning, Honey," the figure said.

"Hey, Sweetie. I guess the sidewalk's clear? Or at least for 5 more minutes," she half-snorted.

"Yeah, and I got a angry pinch in my back. Look at me! I look like a gorilla!"

At that, she stopped trying to read Peanuts and finally focused on her husband, only to realize he was dragging the shovel across the carpet!

"Honey! What are you doing?! You can't just drag the shovel across the carpet!"

"Well, maybe you would like to stop reading the Funnies and come over here and help me!"

With that, she hopped up, snatched the shovel and took it to the garage, leaving her husband doubled over like a wilted flower. A large wilted flower. Maybe a tree sized flower. Done helping her husband, she returned to her seat and picked up the Sunday's comics right where she'd left off, satisfied with having protected her carpet from impending disaster.

A beautiful beginning

20 some odd years ago, a little girl child came into this world and nine months later she was born. As so many couples do, her parents took a photo of their newborn babe as she became familiar with the new world expanding before her. It turns out someone forgot to wipe her face off and to tell her to smile, because the photo showed a stream of slime from her mouth to her clinched fist and a not particularly excited expression on her face. And that pretty much sums up the next 20 some odd years.

In a different 20 some odd years ago, a little man child came into this world and nine months later he was born. As so many couples do, his parents took a photo of their newborn babe as he became familiar with the new world expanding around him. Unfortunately, that photo hasn't been shared with the author of this blog, but another picture was. It turns out he was an equally unattractive child with a very large head. And that pretty much sums up the next 20 some odd years.

As chance would have it, those two little people childs grew up, got married, and one of them started this blog for writing practice. Too bad for you she can't paint beautiful, sweeping images inside the pink part of your grey matter like that one person can, or make profound observations about human affairs like Tolstoy, or create new worlds of vast proportions like Tolkien, or even find some other author whose last name starts with Tol to fail to live up to. Luckily for you, though, she can use a blog. Unlike those other schmucks.

So sit back, grab a beer, take a bath if you need one, and enjoy.